Bothered.

Uh, i think i got selected into the team to go to this years' Pacific Schools Game 2008. Coach said part of the selection is based on performance for the Milo youth cup, and i totally got no idea why i got selected even though my performance for the milo youth cup was below expectations. Still, this is something worth rejoicing for. Most importantly is, i will get another free pair of shoes and set of jerseys with Singapore printed at the back of it ! uh-huh~ ohyeah~ , that will be like my 8th pair of free shoes from Singapore. hurhurhur. And Singapore will get thrash by other countries again, zzz.


* Im thinking of you again. I hate to admit, but imy fcuking bad. Each time before i sleep, i just cant help thinking of the past, days when we were together. Whoever came up with the " time will heal, time heals everything. " or " Keep your everyday occupied, it will serve as a distraction to refrain you from thinking about something that you dont want to " , is an idiot. This is all bullshit, crap, nonsense. Its been 4 months and nothing is healing. I tried making myself busy with stuffs too, but i just cant help but to think of it whenever i see stuffs that jolts my memory. I even thought of trying to dive into another relationship. I even sacrificed my beloved hair so as to remind me not to ponder about the past. But all these just make me feel like im living in self-denial, in fact im alr living in that world. I dont know if this is called love or not. If it is, why am i always making you feel depressed, disappointed and downhearted with my nonchalent attitude towards our relationship back in the past. If its not, then why am i still thinking of you, even till today. Feeling a mix feeling of both happy&sad upon reminiscing. I cant apprehend it, i seriously cant. Then, you came back with reconciling in mind, but i didnt agree to it. All because i felt that im not that one who is able to grant you the kind of happiness that you'd longed for. The only thing i was capable of giving you was misery, and maybe the only way i could grant your happiness is to let you go. Those tears that you shed for me time after time, never fails to hit me like a sledgehammer. Im not exaggerating, only those that had been through will fully understand hpw it feels. Im not trying to earn anything from these words, or am i regretting my previous decision, there is totally no other meaning. Its just that, why are we always realising the importance of something only after we lose it ? Cherish it people, cherish it. I dont even know why am i blogging about this, but no matter what, i've got it off my chest and it definitely feels good.