wtf am i doing.

The basketball court used to be the place where i feel that i can prove myself that im capable of accomplishing something.
But today, i totally made a fool out of myself, thoroughly.
Todays game was the 2nd worst game i'd played through out this Milo youth cup tournament,
the worst game was the first.
Todays stats;
4 points, 3 steals, 0 assists, 7 missed shot(including that open layup).
Wtf am i doing?
But its sort of expected, thats what you get for not touching the basketball for a whole damn week, and slept at 2 and woke up 6.30 this morning.
We still manage to pull through 4 quarters of fatigue and edge Tagawa 52-51. I somehow feel that our team is not committed to this tournament. Absent, sick, late. Thats our problem for sure, and thats gonna hinder and trip us on our road to victory.
We will not always be as lucky as todays game.
I admit that i did not put my heart into this tournament ever since school reopen. But its just 2 games away from our Champion, what we've worked so hard for, and the next 2 games are also the toughest. C'mon, i swear i will do my part and present the best of me on court for the next 2 matches. I just dont wanna regret when i look back at this year's tournament.

Something incoherent is definitely swirling, twirling and whirling inside my mind.
But i cant identify what is it.
I cannot concentrate when im studying.
I cannot concentrate when im playing ball.
I cannot concentrate when im doing anything.
I fcuking abhor it. I fcuking mean it when i have to use the word fcuk.

Fcuk me.